i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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