guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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