can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Randomize
