You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
