ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
