my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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