walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
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