so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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