Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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