Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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