remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
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