My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
