I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
