What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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