There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
