Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
