i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
