Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
