I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
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