I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
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