that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Blood and glitter go together right?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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