I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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