btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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