So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize