aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
try to milk me bitch
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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