A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
