Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
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I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I woke up under a house in Key West
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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