I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
