I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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