He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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