dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
