My friends, they love my intelligence
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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