i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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