god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
