We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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