Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
