Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
