Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I looked at my own cervix.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
