remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
