You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
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Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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