matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
