I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
