My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
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