Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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