we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Randomize
