they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
