If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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