i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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