if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
