you have to choose: penises or morals?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
