Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
