She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
FUCK WHALES
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
