im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
