DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
