I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I can't put those talents on a resume
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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