I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
