I CAN MOONWALK!
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
