Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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