I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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