Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
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he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
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