quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will pee on everything he values.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
