i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
