So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
