I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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