DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
