Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
