i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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