I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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